


Gently, Gently Into That Good Night

by HMK



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: An excessive number of lolsobs, Death, Emotionally repressed dipshits, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Honesty and the issues that come with it, Resolutions and Absolution, Unresolved Issues, Untimely humor, the afterlife
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMK/pseuds/HMK
Summary: Lucretia dies.Taako doesn't mourn.Everyone moves on.(And that's a lie. Guilt haunts the dead and living alike)Or,Lucretia's Death and What Came After





	1. In Which an Invitation is Extended

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! Welcome to another fic of Taako and Lucretia angst/conflict/kerfuffle/what-have-you because apparently that's the only thing I know how to write!

 

* * *

 

_“Hello?”_

* * *

_  
_

_“_ Lucretia! What’s hangin’?”

 “I’m fine, Merle, thanks for asking. I was just hoping you would be free this Friday?”

“Well…I’m in between trips but also I have my plants and-” 

“Merle.”

“Alright, alright! I guess I can make a trip out with the kids. What’s shaking?”

“Well, you see-“

* * *

 

“Boss lady!”

“Hello Carey. How have you been?”

“It’s only been two weeks, boss, we’re fine. Ooh, here, let me get Killian on the line.”

“How was your vacation?”

“Oh, it was great! We did lots of stuff.” 

“That’s good to hear. I just wanted to know if you’d be able to come pick something up this Friday from my home?”

“Sure? I mean, you could just hand it to us at the ol’ Bureau on Monday morning. You feeling under the weather?”

“Well, it just so happens-“

* * *

 

“Madame Director!”

“Avi! You sound well!”

“You know me, I’m always well! What can I do for you ma’am?”

“Well, if you could come down with Killian and Carey to my home this Friday, that would be great. You see-“

* * *

 

“Ma’am!”

“I can’t believe you still won’t call me Lucretia, Angus.”

“Ha, well, some things never change ma’am.”

“How’s the family, Angus?”

“Oh they’re good! The kids are just coming back from school for Candlenights, so we’re excited to have them home.”

“Good, good. That sounds lovely. Listen, Angus, I’m sure you’re very busy but I was just wondering if you’d be free? This Friday?”

“For you, ma’am, of course. Is anything wrong?”

“Oh not really, Angus. Just-“

* * *

 

“Creesh! What’s up?”

“Hello Lup. Say hello to Barry for me please. Will I see you both on Friday?”

“Oh. _Oh._ Lucy. Is it already…?”

“Yes Lup.”

* * *

 

“This is Taako, leave a message… _beep”_

 _“_ Hello Taako, this is Lucretia. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get a hold of you but maybe it’ll be easier this way. I’m having some people over this Friday and I know you’re probably not interested, but I feel I should tell you anyway. You see-“

 

* * *

_“ This Friday, I’m going to die.”_


	2. In Which Lucretia's Home is Overrun by Guests

A benefit of having a reaper as one of your closest friends was that, if you were the right kind of person, you could bully out the details of your own inevitable death. After all, what were friends for, if not gossiping about the events of your own demise and afterlife?

* * *

 

 _“I just don’t want people in this house for months, maybe years, waiting for me to die. If they have to be here at all, I’d rather they show up on the day of.”_  

“ _Don’t you want to let them shower you in their love and see how much they want to be around you?” Lup had asked petulantly and Lucretia had placed her aged hand over Lup’s eternally youthful one._

_“No, Lup.” Lucretia’s voice had been so, so quiet. “It would hurt me more that way. To be reminded over days and weeks of what I’d be leaving behind…that seems almost more cruel to me.”_

_Lup had turned her hand, palm up, to grasp and squeeze Lucretia’s hand in response._

_“Not to mention, I’d have to go shopping to feed all of them if they were all hanging around. All I want before I die is to not have to deal with Garfield. Please.”_

* * *

 

Despite her words, however, half of the people she’d called had all shown up within hours of her phone call. She’d played with the idea of warding the house to enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet before being swept up in the madness that was the BoB (balance her _ass,_ every single one of these idiots she’d hired were wonderfully unbalanced in some way, of course she'd decided to change the name first chance she got) but decided against it at the last minute. After all, someone had to water her plants.

Right now she had four different people fluffing multiple pillows-pillows that she hadn’t even seen in years thank you very much, who were they even being fluffed _for?-_ and three people puttering around her kitchen. She had served everyone tea and then retreated to her bedroom to finish up organizing the contents of her will. The will had been lovingly pored over, the distribution of her possessions and gifts carefully described (most were going to Angus, but then everyone already knew that). Everything anyone could have thought of had been jotted down and planned for, so that there wouldn’t be any confusion. All save one. She glanced at her bookcase, but before she could find the item she was looking for, she heard the front entrance open again and the ensuing round of greetings from her living room.

She glanced again at her bookshelf and made a mental note to take care of it when she had a moment. Taking her Bulwark Staff-turned-walking-stick in hand, she made her way out to the living room to greet Angus and his brood of children. 


	3. In Which an Admission is Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little dose of sweet before the angst train.

When Friday finally rolled around, Lucretia found herself bedridden. Somehow, the betrayal of her body and its inability to do everything she demanded of it was more upsetting than the fact that she was going to die. She had a sneaking suspicion that her bedridden state was of some relief to her current guests. Trying to make her own morning tea yesterday had caused a small outcry among her guests and to be quite honest, she’d found their overbearing, well-intentioned care a little stifling. 

* * *

_ “Lucretia, go sit down!” _

_ “I’m just making some tea, did you want so-“ _

_ “I can do that ma’am.” _

_ “No really, I-“ _

_ “Oh no, that looks far too heavy, why don’t you just take a seat and-“ _

_ “I will spend all of my spell slots banishing you from my home if you don’t let me make my damn cup of tea.” _

* * *

And now she couldn’t get up to make her own cup of tea. It was, in a word, humiliating. Her legs had given out when she’d slipped out of bed this morning and her house guests had found her sitting on her bedroom rug, using all of the swears she’d gleaned from living with Magnus over the years. Avi had lifted her back into her bed and she’d sat there since, sulking for a solid hour before calling Angus in so she could tell him just how she wanted her tea.

“Don’t worry about adding the honey in, dear. If you wouldn’t mind just leaving it in a pot to the side. And make sure to steep the tea-“

“For four minutes instead of three.” Angus smiled at her. “You haven’t changed the way you take your tea since you took breakfast with me in the Bureau, ma’am. I think I’ve still got it.”

Lucretia stopped and blinked rapidly. 

“That’s right.” Her voice was suddenly thick and she reached out to pat her hand. “I didn’t think you would remember.” 

Angus laughed. “I have a very good memory, ma’am.”

Lucretia shook her head ruefully. “But not when it comes to me telling you to stop calling me ma’am.” 

Angus knelt down beside her bedside and rested his head against his folded arms. “Can I tell you a secret?” He asked shyly and for a moment, he looked like the ten-year-old she’d recruited into a Bureau with secrets too heavy for a child. 

“I’ll take it to the grave.” She said mildly and Angus made a face at her. 

“You’ve been hanging out with Merle too much, ma’am.” He told her and she shrugged. He reached out one hand and she took his hand, folding his fingers with her own. He smiled wistfully at their hands for a moment and when he looked back at her, his eyes were wet. “You took me in and recognized my abilities when my own family couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. You gave me a purpose and a home. I called you ma’am all these years because I spent all these years wanting to call you mom.”

Lucretia’s eyes  _ burned  _ and her grasp on Angus’ hand turned tighter. She blinked, trying to alleviate the burning in her eyes and Angus’ smile turned uneasy. 

“I’m sorry, was that-I didn’t mean to make things awkward, I-“

Lucretia reached out with her free hand and rested it against the top of Angus’ head. His hair was dark as ever, save for a few gray hairs here and there, but the curls had remained the same. She ruffled his hair fondly before bringing her hand down to cup his face and shook her head, not quite trusting herself to use her words. Angus lifted himself onto his elbows and placed his own hand over hers. 

“I should have told you this a long time ago.” Angus said quietly. “I’m glad I was able to tell you before-before-“ He cut himself off and looked down. “I’m going to miss you very much.” He hesitated before repeating himself, looking back up and into Lucretia's watery eyes. “I’m going to miss you very much. Mom.” 


	4. In Which Some Transgressions Are Forgivene

It wasn’t long after breakfast when everyone descended into Lucretia’s room, having made the mutual decision to harass Lucretia with their  love and affection until the very end. They filled up the small space until the very walls seemed to stretch outwards, squeezing into the corners and sitting on her dressers and nightstands. The last time she’d taken a visual sweep, there was a person sitting in her windowsill. 

Lucretia made a snide comment about their love and affection being _burdensome,_ but Killian had just patted her hand and told her they were going to disregard her statements because when _weren’t_ they being a burden on her and she was just going to have to endure it to the end, thank you very much.

Despite the mild sense of claustrophobia, Lucretia had to admit that there was something peaceful about having them all around. Several low, murmured conversations abounded throughout the room, different individuals coming to chat with her about anything and everything. Her heart swelled and ached with something like contentment, rendering her into silence several times throughout the morning.

It was during one of those silences when a loud _bang_ exploded at the front of the house, grabbing everyone’s attention. Avi stood to check who had just come in, but paused as light footsteps quickly pattered down the hall. Lucretia’s bedroom door slammed open, swinging into  the opposite wall. Books bounced in their shelves and Angus reached up to settle one before it fell, as the rest watched the latest guest catch their breath.

Davenport’s jacket clung to him with perspiration and his eyes darted around the room. “The ship just made it back into port, am I late? Is Lucretia-“

“Not dead yet, Captain.” Lucretia called and sat up higher in her bed to better see her  newest guest, wrapping her thin shawl around her shoulders. The others stepped aside as Davenport stepped towards Lucretia; Merle jumped out of his stool so that Davenport could clamber up next to Lucretia. He took her hand in his smaller ones, covering it with both of his and looked quietly up at his former crew member.

“I didn’t know if you would-“ Lucretia cut herself off and smiled at him instead. “Thank you for coming, Captain.”

“Davenport.” He  said abruptly, voice thick and raspy, and she frowned, hurt flashing across her features for a second.

“Captain, please, I know you must still be ups-“

“No, no, it’s not that, I’m not-,” Davenport sighed, before starting again. “What I’m trying to say, Lucretia, is that it’s Davenport. Not Captain.”

Wonder slid across Lucretia’s face, the back of her eyes stinging with the threat of tears.

“Davenport.”

“That’s right Lucretia.” Davenport said gently. “I’m here. I’ll see you through to the end.”

Lucretia swallowed and grasped tightly at his hands, hunching over them like a prayer for a long moment as the others politely made conversation amongst themselves. Davenport freed his right hand and laid it against Lucretia’s thin and trembling shoulders and nothing more needed to be said.

* * *

“Taako hasn’t arrived yet?” Davenport asked later, when Lucretia closed her eyes for a moment. He scanned the room and his forehead furrowed when he saw only one pair of elvish ears, twitching uncomfortably. 

Lup shrugged unhappily.

“Did someone neglect to tell him?”

“No, Davenport.”

Davenport’s expression deepened into displeasure.

“And none of you thought to get him? No matter our differences in the past, this is unac-“

“Davenport.” Lucretia’s eyes were still closed when Davenport turned to her. “It’s all right. He doesn’t need to be here.” Her eyes fluttered open. “This is already more than I’d hoped for. I’d be pushing it if I asked for more."

Davenport said nothing and Lucretia’s smile turned sad. “I wouldn’t…I won’t take away his choice again.”

Davenport sighed and reached out, clasping his hands around hers again.

“All right, Lucretia.”


	5. In Which Some Trangressions are Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday everyone! Have an angst :D
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!

“Taako, it’s not too late.” Lup’s voice crackled over the Stone of Farspeech. Her words were clipped with tension, anxious. “I know Kravitz is right there, he can come bring you when he takes Lucretia. Taako? Taako,  _ please. _ ” 

Taako sat in bed, not making eye contact with Kravitz, who was standing in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Love, won’t you think about it?”

“Think about what?” Taako stretched his arms out and settled back in his bed, one hand casually settling over the Stone and turning the frequency off. 

“ _ Taako _ .”

“ _ Kravitz _ .” Taako retorted. “Look, it’s been a long time since ol’ Taako’s had a day off and hey, today happens to be the day when nothing is happening and fuck if I don’t have to get out of bed if I don’t want to.” He motioned to himself with a sweeping motion. “Look at this! Does it look like I’m ready to go anywhere?” 

Kravitz didn’t respond, just pushed off the wall and stepped towards Taako, catching his gesticulating hands. He sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Taako’s hands and sighed, pressing his lips to Taako's knuckles. 

“I worry about you, love.” He said finally, voice low, and Taako’s responding laugh was a raspy and startled noise. 

“What for?”

“I just don’t want you to have any regrets.” Kravitz murmured. “Your life is going to be so long and I’ll be around but-I worry, is all. I’ve seen too many regrets during my career, Taako, and I’ll see many more. I don’t want to think that I could have averted yours.” 

“Don’t be silly. You’re not responsible for any of my choices.” Taako said flippantly. He tugged his captive hands towards himself, pulling Kravitz with them so he could lean in for a kiss. “Come to bed, Krav.”

“You know I can’t.” Kravitz reprimanded him gently. 

Taako threw himself back against his pillows petulantly, pulling his hands away. “I still don’t see why it’s gotta be you that takes her.” He pouted. “I’m sure Lup would be happy enough to take care of this on her own.”

“It’s a seniority thing.” Kravitz sighed, settling his suddenly empty hands in his lap.

“What, you volunteered?”

Kravitz huffed. “No. Taako. The Raven Queen, she-it’s important to her that things go right with all of you. I will be there. For all of you.”

Taako’s lips thinned and he looked away. 

“Fine. Go do your…little duty thing. I’ll be here. Being irrelevant, apparently.” 

Kravitz looked mournfully at his husband. “Taako. Love.” He reached his hand towards Taako, who recoiled sharply. “Taako, don’t be like this.”

“I’m not being like anything.” Taako said sharply. “Go.”

“Not like this.” He murmured. “Taako, not-“

“ _ Go. _ ” Taako said again, but more gently. His voice and countenance softened. “I’ll be fine. Here,” he turned his face up towards Kravitz. “What, you’re not going to give me a kiss before you leave?” 

Kravitz leaned down obligingly and pressed cool lips against the corners of Taako’s.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right?” Kravitz asked again and Taako pushed at his chest lightly. 

“Just  _ dandy.  _ Go, darling.”

Kravitz stood and walked towards the door. Halfway through the doorway, he paused and looked back once more. 

“I’ll  be home soon.”

“Of course you will.”

Kravitz let the door behind him close softly, and Taako sat very still as he listened to Kravitz’s quiet steps fade away. 

Listened for the ripping of fabric. 

And then he was alone.


	6. In Which Inappropriate Comments are Made and the Astral Plane Isn't Looking Too Bad Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...pretty much exactly what the chapter title says. 
> 
> Hold on to your hats and hearts, friends, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Lucretia’s breathing became labored and Merle reached out, laid a hand over her collarbone. Warm light glowed where his hand made contact with her and her breathing gradually eased. 

“Thank you,” she murmured and he patted her shoulder. 

“Most I can do,” he said roughly. 

Davenport elbowed him in the side. 

“What?” Merle protested. “It’s literally the most I can do without fudging shit up!” 

Lucretia shook her head and smiled. 

“It’s almost over, old friend.”

“Don’t know if you should be calling me that.” Merle chuckled. “On account of you being the one dying of old age and all.”

_ “MERLE.”  _

Everyone’s heads swiveled to Merle. 

Lucretia began to chuckle, and everyone’s heads turned back to her. Several necks popped. 

“You’re the worst, Merle.” She laughed, wiping at her eyes. She looked around at the room and began to laugh again. “ _ Oh, _ ” she sighed finally. “Don’t look so sad.” 

“Shut up, Boss, we can feel however we want.” Killian choked. 

“Yeah, we’re crying over all the paperwork we’re going to have to do now.” Carey piped up next to her and Killian elbowed her wife. “What, it’s true!”

“…I’m dying just so I can get away from all of you, I hope you know that. Write it down in my obituary that I died to get away from these assholes in my life.” She looked at them fiercely. “You all need to stay alive for a very long time so I can finally have the vacation that I deserve.”

She glanced at Lup and Barry and turned back to the others. “And if any of you try to get Lup or Barry to ask me questions about the running of the Bureau, I will make sure you end up in the Eternal Stockade, one way or another. I  _ promise  _ you this.”

“Why is everyone looking at me!?” Avi sulked and Lucretia laughed. 

When she glanced around again, her expression turned soft and serious. “I am...I am not a woman who is good with expressing her emotions,  _ stop laughing Lup,  _ but I feel it’s important that right now I-” Her throat felt tight and she stopped for a moment, swallowed. “I’m sorry. I just-” Her voice broke. “Thank you all for being here.” 

The silence following her words was broken by a loud sniff from Killian. 

“Gods  _ damn _ it, boss, I said I wasn’t going to cry.” 

“And I told you, you’re absolutely going to cry.” Carey snarked at her wife, stepping towards Lucretia’s bed. She bent down to wrap her arms around Lucretia’s thin body. 

“Love you, boss lady.” Carey whispered into Lucretia’s ear, and Lucretia mustered up her strength to squeeze her arms around Carey. Carey drew back, misty-eyed, and stepped back to let Killian take her place. 

“You-you take care over there, okay?” Killian sniffed. “Say hi to Magnus for us and if you see Boyland and all the others, tell them we think of them all the time. And you rest.” She pulled back to level a fierce look at Lucretia. The effect was rather ruined by her red eyes. “Like, for real. Don’t let me meet you on the other side to find that you started a secret death organization. And if you do, you better not have given anyone the second in command position.” 

“As if I could ever have another second.” Lucretia retorted, voice cracking, and then she found herself scooped up in a tight hug. She returned the embrace as tightly as she could, trying to thank Killian for her decades of loyalty and friendship without words; they could only fall short now. 

And then it was Avi’s turn, and Angus’, and the next hour passed in a round of benedictions and teary embraces. When she had gotten through everyone in the room-and gone through several people twice, she noted dryly-she settled back into her pillows and just sat for a moment, committing the moment to memory as best she could. Her heart swelled and ached with emotion and her fingers itched; she wanted nothing more than to capture this moment on canvas for all eternity but there wasn’t  _ time.  _ Not anymore. 

Speaking of time...Lucretia snuck a glance towards the clock on her dresser.

“Isn’t it time for all of you to be getting lunch?” She asked mildly. “I think I heard someone’s stomach.” 

Lup followed her gaze to the time and her mouth parted to speak. Lucretia shot her a look, shaking her head ever so slightly. 

“You all should start getting lunch ready.” She said. “I think I want to take a small nap before we eat, so not to be blunt but...get out.” 

It took several minutes to shoo everyone out of the room, loud grumbling and protestations and all, and Lucretia watched them go with a familiar sensation of fond exasperation. When the room had mostly cleared, Lucretia called Merle back. 

“Merle, may I have a moment?” 

Merle shooed Mavis and Mookie to the door and turned to Lucretia. “What is it, Lucretia? Need another healing spell? I'm just warning you, it might not come out as neat as earlier.” 

“Nothing like that, but thank you for the warning.” She lifted a thin arm and pointed to a shelf on the other wall. “Would you mind grabbing me the blue book for me, Merle?”

Merle eyed her carefully. “I know it’s funny to make a short guy go get something and far be it from me to deprive you of a laugh, but just know that I’m very put out about this.” He told her sternly and she laughed as he clambered up a chair to grab the tome. When he brought it to her, she ran her thin hand over the fine leather. Silver light rippled around her hand before sinking into the book. 

“If…and this is a solid if, Merle, not a when. If Taako ever asks about…well, about today. Tell him I said it’s okay? And give him this? But not a second before  _ he  _ brings it up.”

“You want me to chuck it at his head?”

“Thank you Merle, that’s sweet. But while I trust your enthusiasm, I don’t quite trust your aim. You’d probably miss and hit poor Kravitz instead.”


	7. In Which Lucretia Has a Conversation with Death

 

“Was that on purpose?”

Lucretia looked up, towards her left shoulder, and smiled. 

“Kravitz. A delight to see you as always.”

“If only it were under better circumstances.”

Lucretia’s smile barely wavered. “Unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want, do we? Is it time?”

“We have a moment. As  _ you _ very well know.” Kravitz said pointedly, eyes sliding to the clock for the briefest of moments. “A nap? Really?”

“I never said it was going to be a short nap.” Lucretia shrugged unrepentantly. “I wanted to die with some privacy. I love them, but if they’d all been around, well. It would have been too hard to go.”

Kravitz nodded gravely. “That makes sense, I suppose.” He looked around the room thoughtfully, taking in her room with more than a hint of interest. It was the room of an organized woman, everything  _ mise en place  _ with a careful balance of utility and sentiment. Books neatly organized on masterfully wrought shelves on the walls, a writing desk with (he noticed with wry amusement) a sheaf of papers headed by “Will and Testament of Lucretia” and held down by a large wooden duck, and dressers adorned with photographs that were carefully positioned so that one could see all of them when sitting on the bed. One photograph in particular caught his eye; he studied it for a long moment before looking back at Lucretia thoughtfully, cocking his head to the side. “Are you really fine with Taako not being here?”

“Why, would you bring him here if I said no?” 

Kravitz chuckled ruefully and Lucretia nodded, a bitter twist haunting the edges of her smile. 

“Well, then. I have to be.” Lucretia said quietly. She tracked the slight fall in Kravitz’s demeanor and laughed softly, shaking her head. “Oh, don’t look like that. It’s not your fault. It’s certainly not ideal, by any means, but it is what it is.” She reached out and grasped his hand in hers, a serious, earnest mien settling over her. “Make him happy like you’ve been doing, yes?”

“Always.”

“That’s all I ask.”

She let go of his hand and settled back against her pillows, closing her eyes. 

“Do you have any...other regrets?”

She opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side. 

“Pardon?”

“It’s a thing Lup told me I should ask before I reaped people. I’ve been trying it out.”

Lucretia chuckled softly. “Practice it a little more.” She suggested. “Especially the timing.”

Kravitz nodded solemnly. “I’ll make a note of that. But, do you?”

Lucretia sighed. “I have too many to name, I suppose. But nothing in particular that can weigh me down now, I think.”

“That’s good.” Kravitz’s eyes gentled as he regarded her. “You did a lot of good, Madame Director. I would hate to think you left unwillingly.” 

Lucretia’s smile was brilliant.  

“I’ve been waiting for this a long time.”

Kravitz smiled back. “I think your waiting is over.” He held his hand out and Lucretia reached out, leaning forward-

and out of her body. 

She peered at her body curiously, taking in how odd it was to be really  _ seeing  _ herself for the first time without the use of any spells or mirrors. Underneath the layers of blankets, here were the outline of legs that had carried her across a hundred planes, the feet that had memorized the layout of this world against their soles. Here were the lines on her face and withered body, some earned through years of hard work and grief, while others had been given to her through a bad twist of fate. Here were the hands that had dropped her family’s trust and dreams into the oblivion of a fish tank and there were the fingers that had spent their years trying to claw their way to something resembling redemption. And  _ there _ , around her eyes, were lines from laughing too hard, crying too hard, loving too hard. She studied her body carefully, throat thick and eyes burning. Here was a body that had lived as hard as it could in the face of adversity, and grief, and love.

Kravitz reached out with his free hand and gently closed her eyelids. She nodded at him, not quite trusting herself to speak beyond a thick, 

“Thank you.”

Kravitz smiled and shook his head ever so slightly. And then, 

“Are you ready? There’s some people who want very badly to see you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap folks! 
> 
> Just kidding guys, there's still a lot more to unpack here; this is just the tip of the iceberg! 
> 
> I've always thought that under other circumstances, Lucretia and Kravitz would actually be very good friends and hope to one day explore that, if I can. 
> 
> Up next time: 
> 
> Lucretia finally passes into the astral plane and finds that Resting in Peace might be a little more difficult than she'd anticipated.


	8. In Which Lucretia is Not Okay

**** Lucretia stepped through the rift and into water. 

Warm ocean water lapped at her shins and she realized she was barefoot. She closed her eyes and wiggled her toes in the water, reveling in the moment, in the warmth and the glow around her, reminiscent of an eternal sunset and tried to remember the last time she'd felt so at peace.

“Lucretia!” 

She opened her eyes and turned to  see Magnus loping towards her, wading into the water, arms outstretched. Her eyes brightened, and she began to run. He looked young again, but older at the same time, a perfect mix of the Magnus she had met on the Starblaster and the Magnus who had saved the world. His arms caught her and spun her around, before setting her back down on the ground. He leaned back and beamed at her as they took each other in for a long moment. 

“Aw Lucy, you haven’t looked like this since ages ago.” He said fondly. 

She laughed. “I don’t look a day over sixty-five.” She told him mock-sternly and he laughed, offering his arm and leading her onto the island where dogs bounded about. 

“Oh, that can’t be- Johann!” Lucretia said with delight, dropping to her knees into the clean soil as the deerhound bounded towards her, lapping at her face and neck. She laughed and wrapped her arms around the hound before releasing him. “Oh Magnus, I didn’t think it would be so-so good to go.” 

“And for it to stick?” Magnus asked cheerfully and she smiled. 

“Exactly.” 

“How was it?” Magnus asked her. “Did they throw you a party, like they did for me? And tell all sorts of embarrassing stories?”

Lucretia laughed. “Between Merle, Lup, and Barry, they had plenty of Starblaster stories to keep the Bureau in stitches and make me glad to die. Avi, Killian, Leon, and Carey had stories to tell about when I was initially setting up the Bureau. There were a lot of…hiccups in the beginning, you see.” She laughed. “It was good to think about those days.” 

“I wish I could have heard those.” Magnus said fondly, and she smiled up at him. 

“Tea, and I might be persuaded to share a few.” She told him, and he chuckled. “Davenport was  there,” she added shyly. 

“Of course he was." Magnus smiled down at her gently. 

“He was very kind.” She said thoughtfully. “He only told stories that put me in a good light. Nothing about anxiety vomiting and almost walking off the moon during an accidental all-nighter.” 

“You did  _ what?” _

Lucretia laughed. “It was a long time ago.” She said mildly. “So many memories he could have told, and he chose to be so generous." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts, before hesitantly adding, "He let me call him Davenport again. He didn’t even flinch.” She sounded wistful and Magnus laid a hand against her upper arm comfortingly. She reached up, and he helped her to her feet. 

“That was nice of him.” He said cheerfully. “I’m sure Taako had enough shitty stories to tell to make up for that.” 

“He didn’t actually.” Lucretia said lightly and Magnus chuckled next to her as they strode towards the cottage. 

“What? You can’t tell me he didn’t say something sarcastic at least  _ once,  _ Lucretia. We all know that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from dragging someone one last time.”

“Well, he would have had to have been  there to do that.” Lucretia said flippantly and Magnus stopped walking. Something like disappointment flickered across his face, chased off by concern and disbelief. 

“What?” 

“Well, he’d have had to be there to say something, Magnus.” She walked another step before realizing Magnus wasn’t following and she turned to him. She took in his frown and stepped towards him. "Magnus."

“He wasn’t there?“ Magnus asked in a low voice and Lucretia’s expression faltered for the briefest of moments, before clearing. She smiled up at him, eyes bright. 

“No, Magnus. He wasn’t.”

Magnus’ expression turned thunderous. She reached out and touched his elbow lightly. 

“Oh Magnus, don’t be like that. It’s okay. It’s fine. He didn’t have to. I didn’t want to make him, it was okay. It’s okay.” 

He looked up at her and his dark expression eased, gentled. He reached for her face and she rested the side of her face against his palm. He swiped a thumb gently under her eye and drew away moisture. She jerked away, startled. 

“What?” She took a step back and lifted a hand to her face and found it wet. A startled, hysterical laugh escaped her and she stared blankly at Magnus. “Oh my goodness.” She exhaled shakily. “Look at me, I don’t know why I’m being like this.” She brought the knuckles of her index fingers to her eyes to wipe the tear tracks away, but more tears slipped over her fingers, faster now, and she shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t-I don’t know why this is happening.” She said shakily. “I’m okay, it’s okay, really. He didn’t have to be there if he didn’t want to. I didn’t expect him to come, I didn’t ask. It’s no one’s fault, it’s okay. It’s fine. I-he-Taako- _Taako-_ “ She choked on the last repetition of his name and her expression  _ twisted _ into something pained. 

She licked her lips nervously, swallowed, tried again, but her mouth only opened and closed wordlessly, breath coming in shuddering gasps. Her expression wrenched and contorted around silent agony and she turned and stepped away, out of Magnus' reach. She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, fingers tangling in her hair and digging into her scalp, shoulders hunching around a phantom pain and Magnus  _ ached. _

“Lucretia.” Magnus moved towards her and she threw a hand backwards towards him, warding him off.

“I’m okay!” She said, voice raspy and thick. “I’m okay, just give me a second-“ Her hand trembled though, and Magnus had always been weak to Lucretia's pain. He reached out and took her hand, tugged and pulled her into his chest,  wrapping his arms tight against her shaking shoulders. He held her upright as she sagged against him, felt when her legs gave way to her grief.

“I’m okay.” She sobbed. “I’m okay with this, it was  _ fine, _ so why am I-?” 

He rubbed a hand in circles against her back and looked up into the sky, wishing that he had the right words. The afterlife was supposed to be  _ easier  _ than this.  “I’ve got you, Lucretia. I’ve got you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be a rough few chapters, guys, but hopefully you'll bear with me!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and I hope I'll see you in the next chapter. 
> 
> Next time: 
> 
> Taako and Lup have an honest conversation about consequences.


	9. In Which the Twins Have an Honest Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins try a little brutal honesty (and it doesn't go over super well).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, it's been a while. But finals are winding down so hopefully updates should be coming a little faster (a little, I say, because I don't want to set myself up for failure). 
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

“Taako, make sure you clear your schedule for next Tuesday.” Lup’s voice was weary over the Stone of Far Speech. 

“What’s happening Tuesday?” Taako asked absent-mindedly. His feet carried him into the kitchen, where he automatically shifted the Stone onto his shoulder. His head tilted to hold the Stone in place as he began to open and close the cupboards above and below the counters, his fingers itching to bake.  

“It’s Lucretia’s funeral. She left behind a bunch of instructions and arrangements, because of course she did, so all Carey and Killian actually have to do is move her body and we just have to provide the catering for the reception and I just wanted to go over the menu with you-”

“Sorry, we? I hope you’re not implying that I’m involved with any of this.”

The  other end of the connection was quiet for a long moment before Lup sighed, voice heavier than ever. “Okay. Fine. Um, just make sure when you show up, that you let Brad know so he can tell you where to sit? We’re all sitting in one section, so-”

“Eh, you can go ahead and give the seat to someone else. Is Sterling still around, the geezer? I’m sure he’d like to sit there and pretend he’s still relevant.” 

“Taako, what are you saying?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you? I. Am. Not. Going.” Taako drawled. “I have better things to do than go to some person’s funeral.” Taako rifled through his cupboards. He was so engrossed in rummaging through the mess that was his kitchen inventory-he made a mental note to take another week off from running his school to organize everything, this was ridiculous-that he didn’t catch the stillness that answered his comment or the ripping sound of reality behind him. Long nails dug into his shoulder and Taako dropped the bag of almonds onto the kitchen counter, his own hand lifting into the air and glowing with a spell as he turned. 

Familiar golden eyes looked back at him and he dropped his hand, glow dissipating. “Fuck Lup, warn a dude before you show up, will you? Not that I’m not glad to see you whenever but, shit.”

“How long are you going to be like this?” Lup demanded. Taako’s expression shuttered. 

“Like what?”

“Like-like this!” Lup waved her free hand, circling Taako’s outline. “All bitter and vindictive and shit.”   


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Taako said haughtily, and pulled away from his sister. 

Lup leaned back, took him in with narrowed eyes before huffing. “Of course you don’t.”

Taako’s own eyes narrowed in response. “Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh nothing.” Lup said, faux-flippant. “Just,  _ you’re Taako. _ ” She raised both of her hands to the level of her eyes, her fingers curling and unfurling, waving around her head to emphasize each word. “You’re Taako, and Taako’s cool out here, not talking about feelings and shit because issues-what’re those? Taako doesn’t live in the past, homie, because Taako lives in the present and future m’dude, catch up with the times!” She dropped her hands to rest on her hips. “How’m I doing?”

Taako crossed his arms, a long, manicured finger resting against the side of his face. “You missed the part where I’m a fully realized creation with complicated feelings that gets to feel whatever the hell I want. What the hell do you want from me Lup? You told me yourself, she’s dead. What does it matter if I go to some dinky funeral or not?”

Lup exhaled sharply, her eyes taking in Taako like she’d never seen him before. “Do you-do you even hear yourself?” She demanded. “She’s dead Taako, do you realize what that means?”

“That her wrinkly ass has finally shuffled off the mortal coil.” Taako said, sounding bored. 

“That’s right. And she’s not coming back. She’s not going to regenerate next cycle. That’s not a thing we get anymore. She’s gone, for good. Kaput. Le fin. The end. Dead. And you just missed your last chance to make things right.”

Taako loosed a harsh bark that, in some planes, would pass for a laugh. “Sorry,  _ I  _ missed my chance to make things right? Did I miss something?” He asked incredulously. “I didn’t realize I did anything to apologize for.” 

Lup’s lips thinned. “You treated her like crap, Taako.” She told him flatly. “Yeah. She fucked you over. You and the other boys, she did that. You’re right. But she spent her whole life trying to make things right and you took every opportunity to throw it back in her face. You were  _ cruel  _ to her, Taako.”

“Oh, I was cruel.” Taako broke in, his voice rising in pitch. “I’m sorry, does her being dead suddenly erase everything she did? Is she a fucking saint now or something? She took fucking everything from me, Lup. I get to be mad about that because I would call  _ that  _ fucking  _ cruel _ !” 

“Sounded like she left you with enough to make a life for yourself.” Lup said quietly and something in Taako’s eyes burst aflame. 

“Oh?” He asked, deceptively calm. “Did it? You, uh, you seem like you’ve got it all figured out, then. Why don’t you tell me how it was? Being all on my own, for a decade? Why don’t you tell me how fucking  _ great  _ I had it. Oh  _ wait,  _ you  _ can’t _ , because you weren’t there!” Taako’s voice rose with every word, the last note a near scream, and his hands dropped to his sides in clenched fists. His words filtered through his rage half a beat later and his fists uncurled, face softening with remorse. He reached out to her placatingly. “Shit, Lup, I didn’t mean to say that, I’m-”

Lup stepped back, out of reach, and lifted her own hand. “No.” She said, and it was her turn to sound unnaturally calm. “Don’t be sorry. You’re right. I wasn’t there. And that’s all on me. Lucretia didn’t take me away from you, I did.” 

“Lup, don’t be stupid, that’s not the same-”

“Why not?” Lup challenged. “I left. On my own damn feet.  _ I  _ did that, and that’s on me.” 

“It  wasn’t your-”

“Of course it was my fault!” Lup stamped her foot on the ground. “I was the one that came up with these relics and when they didn’t work the way I thought they would, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Lucretia that I’d been wrong and that my promise was no good. I thought I could fix it, so I left, without talking to any of you and all I left was a dumb note that didn’t say anything about  _ where  _ I was or what I was doing. So don’t you say this wasn’t my fault!

“And if it was, so what?” Taako asked quietly.

“Then you’ve been putting the blame on the wrong person the whole time. Most of it, anyway.” Lup’s eyes began to fill. “I should have said something earlier because Lucretia didn’t do anything that  _ I  _ didn’t do first.”

“Lup-”

“I should have said something before, but I always told myself that things would work themselves out on their own.” Lup continued. “But I wasn’t being hopeful, I was being scared.”

“Scared?” 

“Yeah. Scared. Scared that you would treat me like you treated Lucretia if you realized that I was just as much to blame.” Lup’s teary eyes were wide and wild. “But apparently I was willing to let Lucretia take it, so what the fuck does that make me? What does that make me? Lucretia deserved so much better than us.” Lup finished softly, voice cracking. “She spent her whole life trying to make up for what she did and at the end, we broke her heart. Even before she did what she did, the Relics, I-I’ve been breaking her heart all along.” 

“No, Lup, that’s all, that’s all on ch’boy.” Taako’s own voice was thick and raspy, trying to process Lup’s words while finding the words to comfort her at the same time. “Lup, I could never-I would have never-” His voice ran ragged for a moment. “I couldn’t hate you. You-I-You’re the best part of me, Lup, my better half. If I hate you, then I-fuck, Lup, when Lucretia erased you, she took the best part of me, Lup. She took everything about me that made me worth a damn, so if I hate you, what the fuck happens to _me_?!”

Lup’s hands slid up to cup Taako’s face and her expression was tender and sad. “Oh Taako,” She breathed. “You think Lucretia put you on the road to isolate and punish you? To remind you how alone you were? Taako, she tried to give you the world because thought you deserved it.”

“She thought that about  _ you. _ ” Taako said and his voice cracked.

“You idiot.” Lup repeated. “What kind of dumb pedestal did you put me on? You think Lucretia couldn’t tell where I ended and you began? She saw _you_ , Taako. She loved you, Taako, and she wanted everyone to love you too. You _know_ she loved you. And once, you loved her too.” 

“If I did, I can’t remember how.” Taako said quietly. “Lup, I’m sorry, but what you want from me, I can’t. I  _ can’t.  _ I don’t know how to think of Lucretia and not be angry.”

Lup’s eyes darkened and she sighed heavily, stepping away from him. Her hand pulled away from his face and he watched her go, a sinking feeling in his chest telling him that he was losing something important all over again. 

“I know.” She said simply. She looked down and rubbed the back of her head, exhaustion dripping from every movement. “I changed my mind. Don’t...don’t come on Tuesday. Not if you’re still like this.” She looked up and opened her mouth to say something else but something gave her pause. A sorrowful look flitted across her face as she looked past him. “Oh Taako. Do you even see yourself? And you sit there and tell me you don’t miss her even the littlest bit?” She motioned to the counter behind him. 

Taako turned, as Lup quietly created another rift in his kitchen and disappeared. His gaze darkened as he took in the items sitting upon his kitchen counters, throwing his hand out and banishing them a second later. 

Almonds. Sugar. Butter. Eggs. Cream of tartar. Elderflower liqueur.  

_ Hot diggity shit. That is a baller cookie.  _


End file.
